Why my children don't know God or religion

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ


I realize this is a controversial topic for many people, but I feel it is important to talk about because I know there are other moms out there who feel the way I do and may be looking for support.  Today there are more people than ever who share my thoughts on religion, so I know I am not alone.

I am not at all religious.  I consider myself an atheist because I don't believe in God or anything related to religion.  I personally believe it was made up in the beginning of time to explain the unexplainable and as a means of controlling people.  I believe in science.  We can explain things now through science, which is enough for me.

Jus so you have a little background on me, I was raised with religion (not strictly).  Some of my family is Catholic, some Jewish, and I was raised as Christian.  We didn't rely heavily on religion, but we were aware of it and "God" was the answer to many questions that we had.  As I went to church and asked more questions, the answers I was given just weren't good enough anymore and I came to the conclusion myself as a teenager that religion seemed outdated, untrue and just not for me.

That being said, I teach my children based on my own beliefs (or lack of), which is what everyone does.  When they ask me "how" or "why" I answer with science, not with religion.  However, I do make them aware of religion so they can be respectful of other people's beliefs, even if they don't share them.  I think this is a critical point that most people forget about, or simply just don't care about.  My kids have heard of heaven, angels, prayer and souls.  They've never learned about God or Jesus or the beliefs or rules surrounding them (yet).  They understand that people go to church to pray, which is like making a wish in their head.  They know that some people believe the wish comes true. They also know that when we die, some people believe that our souls become angels and go to heaven.  However, I make it very clear that no one knows for sure if this is true and it is mostly just a belief.  They know nothing of hell.

I've had many religious people question my teachings and even accuse me of "damning my children to an eternity of suffering in hell" because I did not baptize them and teach them to love and believe in God and Jesus.  I'm not going to get into my thoughts on that, but I will just say that I politely say I don't believe in that and it's my choice as a mother to not teach/brainwash my children to believe in something that I feel is nonsense.  I've had heated discussions with my own mother in law about how I need to "save my children's soul".  I simply thank her for her concern and move on.  This has been the biggest challenge for me as a non believer; the opinions and input of relatives and friends.  Sorry, but I am firm in my beliefs and that's just how it is.  I'm not going to bend to please others.  It's just not how I work.  They all have the right to follow their beliefs, so why can't I?  I'm not putting anyone down for their beliefs, I'm just saying that they have theirs, and I have mine.

If my children decide to be religious when they grow up, that's their choice.  I have no problem with it.  That's part of why I teach them what others believe, so they can make their own decision.  I'm just not going to force a belief and essentially brainwash them to believe in something, as most religious followers do.

The point of this is, if you have a belief, stick to it no matter what others have to say.  That's our right as citizens of a free country.

You may find this link helpful: http://www.salon.com/2013/06/25/7_groups_atheists_can_turn_to_in_times_of_need_partner/

It's ok to let your kids watch tv. I recommend it!

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ

I know many new moms who say "my child will never watch tv" and I'm sure they really mean it.  They feel that tv is bad, it poisons the child's mind, creates laziness, etc.  For some, this is very true.  However, as the parent, we are in complete control of what our children are exposed to, at least until they are teenagers.  With some limitations and the right choices, tv can be extremely beneficial to young, growing minds.

I have twins, so tv was a wonderful distraction for them when I needed some time to fold laundry, prepare meals, go to the bathroom, etc.  I only allowed them to watch very specific shows that were designed to benefit my growing babies.  They watched mostly Nick Jr., Disney Jr., and now Sprout.  I chose educational shows such as Sesame Street, Team Umizumi, Bubble Guppies, Dora, Max & Ruby and Special Agent Oso, to name a few.  If you watch these shows with your children, you'll see that they teach letters, numbers, colors, shapes, science, geography, language and life lessons.  By 3 years old, my boys knew all of their letters, numbers, shapes, colors, and even told me about the planets in the solar system.  At times, I learned things from them that I didn't even know about.  I can say with absolute certainty that these things were learned from tv.  Of course, I teach them things as I go, but I can credit a lot of it to them watching tv.

I strictly limit the content of what they watch.  I don't allow "grown-up" shows, which includes violence, sexual content, foul language, heavy drama, etc.  There is no need for them to see these things so young and it won't benefit them in any way.  My husband and I don't watch our own tv shows until the kids are in bed and they know they aren't allowed to watch grown-up shows or movies.  My only exception to this is when I'm watching my science or medical shows on TLC, NatGeo, Science or Discovery Health.  I let them watch people brought into the ER with gunshots, stab wounds, car accident trauma, and anything else that is cause for emergency.  This allows me to teach them about anatomy, healthy, medicine and danger in general.  This also includes death.  Because of my profession as a Funeral Director, I am very open with my children about death.  I've been questioned about exposing my kids to these things, but I see it as education, as do my kids.  It doesn't help anyone to shelter them from reality.

I've had to loosen up some of my restrictions as they get older.  Now they are into super heroes, so I allow them to watch the new superhero movies that have come out, like Spiderman, Thor, Avengers, Hulk, etc.  These are still kid friendly movies, but they do have some violence.  I just don't let them watch "gore" in movies.  I don't mind them seeing blood, especially since they watch my medical shows, but I don't want it to be extreme violent gore.  They don't need to see someone's head being blown up with brains splattered everywhere.  This is also so they don't think violence is fun or entertaining.

I make sure to remind my kids regularly of the difference between tv and reality.  They know that a lot of what they see on tv is fake or pretend.  They know that the characters are played by actors pretending to be that character for the movie.  They know the difference between my real medical shows and pretend movies.  Too many kids today don't know the difference and I think that is the cause for a lot of violent acts and crimes committed by kids and young adults.  They see people on tv kill others and think its ok and even fun.  My children know the difference!

The same is true for video games.  They ONLY play kid games like Disney Infinity, Lego Marvel, Plants vs. Zombies and a few other similar games.  My husband is not allowed to play his adult games until they are in bed.  I absolutely do NOT allow them to see violence in video games.  I do not want them to learn that killing is fun.  It is NEVER ok to view shooting, beating, hurting someone as fun!

My twins are 5 now (the baby is 2) and to this day, they have never seen anything inappropriate on tv.  There was one exception... when they stayed at my sister's for the night, she let them watch Sharknado.  I didn't know till the next day and I was NOT happy, but I can't change what happened.  However, I made sure they were very clear on the facts.  Sharks cannot be sucked up into a tornado and fly around and it is NOT ok to go around killing things with a chainsaw!  The movie was pretend and it was funny to them.  Other than that, their exposure has been strictly limited.  I can say that they have benefited from this practice overall.  It doesn't take that much effort as a parent to control their exposure.  If more people did what I do, I think our youth would be a little more well rounded and less aggressive.  TV can be a wonderful tool for learning if used correctly.  It doesn't take much, but it needs to happen.

Teaching my children Tolerance of those different from them

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ

In a world where everyone is so different, it is important that we teach our children tolerance and understanding of others.  Whether it is race, handicaps, religion, language, body shape, sexual orientation, rich or poor, it is an important lesson that too many people don't teach.

I was bullied terribly as a child, starting in the 2nd grade till the 9th grade.  If stopped when I finally stood up for myself and got into a fist fight with the bully.  Everyone gained respect for me after that and the bullying stopped from everyone.  I had glasses, crazy hair, buck teeth, and I dressed a bit crazy.  I was also very thin, quiet and just an easy victim.  It was very traumatic and painful, so I make sure to teach my children that bullying is NEVER ok.  I also teach them that if they see someone being bullied, they should get involved and defend the victim, as long as it's not dangerous for them.

I teach my children that everyone is different, and that's ok.  They know that they have their own differences (one wears glasses), and those difference make them unique.  They know it is never ok to make someone feel bad for being different.  They know that people have different religious and cultural beliefs, even if we don't agree with those beliefs.  They know that some men marry men and some women marry women.  I don't call it weird or strange.  It's simply different from what we do in our family.  When we see someone in a wheelchair, they know it's because their legs don't work, or they are too sick or weak to walk.  They know that it's ok to be polite and say hello to them.  Especially if that person is a child, because it will make them feel happy.  We've come across deaf children and I explain that they cannot hear and they communicate using sign language.  Just like a blind person uses a long stick to help them navigate since their eyes don't work.  Most people hush children whey they ask questions about "different" people an the child is left wondering what is going on they it becomes a dirty word.  That's not helping anyone.  I use those opportunities to explain these differences to my kids in a respectful manner.  I've noticed that the person in question is appreciative of this.  I even encourage my kids to ask people of their differences, rather than hide it.  If they have a better understanding of things, they will have more respect for people.

There have been instance where talking about a person's difference is unacceptable, and I try to teach them that too.  They know that they shouldn't talk about people who are fat, bald, smelly, "ugly", etc.  I tell them it's ok to notice and think of these things, but it's not ok to talk about it, at least in front of them.  They know that it can hurt someone's feelings and that's not nice.  They seem to get it.

Children learn from the adults around them and it's important that we set a good example.  Tolerance needs to be taught so we can all exist peacefully together.  I'm not perfect when it comes to this.  I was raised with certain ideas about different groups because that's what I learned from my family.  I know these ideas are wrong, so I can only try to change my thinking.  That's why it's important for me to teach my children complete tolerance so they are not programmed with unfair ideas about people.  It's one of the ways I can contribute positively in this world.

Teaching kids about "Tricky People" instead of fear of strangers

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ

This is a fantastic read for parents.  I taught my children about tricky people and it definitely makes more sense.  Also, because I didn't teach them that "strangers" are bad, they are more friendly and outgoing.  I always tell them, "it's ok to be polite and talk to strangers.  You just can't go anywhere with them."  I also teach them the power they have over their own body and "private parts."  I always reinforce that NO ONE is allowed to touch their private parts and they are not allowed to touch anyone else's private parts.  Even if they are uncomfortable with Mommy or Daddy touching them (to wash), it's ok to let us know and we will respect their privacy.  They know that there are some creepy or "tricky" people out there who may want to hurt them or do inappropriate things to them and they know that they are in control of their body. They know if anyone tries anything, they have to say "NO" and tell me immediately!

Here is the link:

"Tricky people are the new strangers"

...I'll write a separate blog on how I handle potential sexual threats to my children and how we handle that.

"What DO you do all day?"

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ

I love this blog.  Had to share:

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/comment-page-18/#comment-39760

Traveling with Kids

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ

I don't travel much.  Well actually, I never travel.  Not since having kids.  I've avoided it like the plague.  So when my sister told me she was having a destination wedding in St. Thomas in June and my kids were part of the wedding, I wasn't overly excited.

Since I didn't have a choice now, I had to get serious and start planning for this 5 day vacation with a 3 1/2 hour flight each way.  I did some research and found some helpful advice.  The rest was me just kind of winging it.

There's the usual thing of packing snacks and water.  That's a given.  We also brought the iPads for my 4 year olds.  Yes, they each have their own iPad.  We made sure to download a new game the night before the flight so they'd have something new to focus on, which lasted probably the whole flight.  I also brought a backpack for each of them which had their own snacks, water, headphones (for the iPad) and a coloring book with crayons (which they didn't use).  They also had a change of clothes from comfy plane clothes to hot weather shorts and t-shirt for when we land.  

In addition to their stuff, I brought a nice little gift for the flight attendants (I found this tip online).  I packed a small zip lock back with a handful of candies and wrote the names of my 3 children and our seat numbers on the bag.  When a flight attendant came around after we were in the air, I handed her the bag and told her its for the crew.  She was shocked and surprised.  She asked me why I did this, to which I honestly replied that it was to bribe them for their kindness in case my children act up.  She laughed and thanked me.  A little later during the flight, she brought the other crew members to show them who gave them the candy.  It was a nice little treat that even I was surprised worked as well as it did.  It also earned us a free cookie :-)  Just don't forget to pack one for the way home too!

For the baby (who was 11 months), I packed a bottle of water, some cheerios, a change of clothes, diapers and a few small toys.  He was content most of the time.  I was nursing at the time so I didn't have to worry about formula.  I found that feeding him during the ascent and descent helped with ear pain.  He slept most of the flight anyway so it wasn't too bad.  

While we were away, we just kind of managed everything as it came.  I had the reclinable stroller that came everywhere with us.  We mostly spent time by the pool and at in the buffet room/restaurant.  Luckily the baby napped in his stroller by the pool while we swam. 

When it came to sleeping arrangements, the twins shared a bed and the baby slept in a crib provided by the resort.  It looked like a metal hospital crib, but it did the job.  

There wasn't much private time for my husband and I, but since this was a family event, my sister was nice enough to take the twins for a few hours here and there.  The baby usually napped in his crib during our alone time, so it worked out.  

All in all, the trip was much smoother than I could have ever imagined.  We survived!  I was thoroughly impressed with how well my children behaved and I actually had a good time.  It gave me the courage to maybe travel again, if the opportunity should arise.