Don't hide your nude body from your children

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ


Growing up, I was one of 5 children in our household.  We lived in a 3 bedroom apartment with 1 bathroom in Brooklyn.  Three girls in one room, one boy (the oldest) in his own room and my parents and baby brother in the 3rd room.  One bathroom meant no privacy, ever!  Even if the door was locked (with a latch hook), a butterknife was used to unlock it and barge in.  Showers and baths were usually shared too, just for convenience.  It wasn't anything weird or inappropriate.  Just normal routines amongst family members.

My mom was not shy at all about her body.  Many times we'd catch her walking completely naked from the bathroom after her shower to her bedroom on the opposite side of the apartment to get dressed.  She call regular meetings with random kids in the bathroom while she was doing her business, just as part of her multi-tasking.  We never found any of this to be weird or awkward.  The only one we never saw nude was our dad.  I'm sure we can all agree we are fine with that.

What's the point of all this?  To prove that nudity is a natural, normal, healthy thing.  There is nothing wrong with children seeing their parents nude, especially their mother.  I am often nude around my children, whether we are showering together or I'm just in the process of getting dressed.  The same is true for my husband.  My kids, all boys, learned to pee standing up by using the toilet alongside my husband.  They learned by example.  It teaches children that there is nothing to be ashamed of.  I DO teach modesty in the sense that my children know privacy with others.  They know that nudity is something restricted to the privacy or our own home (or hotel room, etc.).  Because of this, my kids don't pay any attention to our nudity.  The may ask questions or make random comments, but it doesn't bother them one bit.

My mother once told me a story of her friend who had two sons.  This woman (D) always hid her nudity from her boys.  One day she noticed her 6 year old son staring at her body oddly one day as she stood in her nightgown.  Almost as if he could see through it.  It made her feel very awkward.  When she told my mom, my mom explained that he is probably just curious.  She advised D to allow her boys to see her naked body and explain the differences between her and them.  She did this and that solved the problem.

It's not always perfect.  You still have to teach limits.  Once my 6 year old squeezed my breast while I was nursing my baby.  He said he was helping the milk come out.  I explained that a woman's "boobies" are her private parts, just like the bottom is private.  He felt bad that he touch me that way and was sorry.  I told him it is ok, but it was something he had to learn.  My children are very clear about "private parts".  They know it is NOT ok to touch people's private parts and the same is true for their own parts.  NO ONE is allowed to touch their parts, unless Mommy or Daddy says its ok, which will only be a doctor.  They also know that even we are not allowed to touch them if they are not comfortable with it.  When we shower them, they must wash their own parts.  They know that some "tricky people" may want to try to touch them inappropriately or ask to be touch by them.  They know this is NOT ok and to tell a trusted adult immediately.

The point is, there is nothing wrong with nudity between a mother and her children.  Why is it ok for children to watch people being killed violently, heads being blown up, bodies being mutilated on tv, but a nipple is considered offensive?  Violence is appalling!  Sexualizing the naked form is inappropriate for children, but there is nothing wrong with nudity itself.  It's all about what children are taught.  They are a blank slate and need to be filled with good, healthy, useful information.

The pic below is me with my preemie son Logan.  I am giving him Kangaroo care which is when the mother holds her baby skin to skin.  This helps the baby's health overall.  It is also great for mom.  In this case, nudity is beneficial for mom and baby.  When each of my children were born, I'd breastfeed them the same way.  Skin to skin.  It was so beautiful and definitely helped with the bonding experience.  Human health depends on skin contact!

Why my children don't know God or religion

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ


I realize this is a controversial topic for many people, but I feel it is important to talk about because I know there are other moms out there who feel the way I do and may be looking for support.  Today there are more people than ever who share my thoughts on religion, so I know I am not alone.

I am not at all religious.  I consider myself an atheist because I don't believe in God or anything related to religion.  I personally believe it was made up in the beginning of time to explain the unexplainable and as a means of controlling people.  I believe in science.  We can explain things now through science, which is enough for me.

Jus so you have a little background on me, I was raised with religion (not strictly).  Some of my family is Catholic, some Jewish, and I was raised as Christian.  We didn't rely heavily on religion, but we were aware of it and "God" was the answer to many questions that we had.  As I went to church and asked more questions, the answers I was given just weren't good enough anymore and I came to the conclusion myself as a teenager that religion seemed outdated, untrue and just not for me.

That being said, I teach my children based on my own beliefs (or lack of), which is what everyone does.  When they ask me "how" or "why" I answer with science, not with religion.  However, I do make them aware of religion so they can be respectful of other people's beliefs, even if they don't share them.  I think this is a critical point that most people forget about, or simply just don't care about.  My kids have heard of heaven, angels, prayer and souls.  They've never learned about God or Jesus or the beliefs or rules surrounding them (yet).  They understand that people go to church to pray, which is like making a wish in their head.  They know that some people believe the wish comes true. They also know that when we die, some people believe that our souls become angels and go to heaven.  However, I make it very clear that no one knows for sure if this is true and it is mostly just a belief.  They know nothing of hell.

I've had many religious people question my teachings and even accuse me of "damning my children to an eternity of suffering in hell" because I did not baptize them and teach them to love and believe in God and Jesus.  I'm not going to get into my thoughts on that, but I will just say that I politely say I don't believe in that and it's my choice as a mother to not teach/brainwash my children to believe in something that I feel is nonsense.  I've had heated discussions with my own mother in law about how I need to "save my children's soul".  I simply thank her for her concern and move on.  This has been the biggest challenge for me as a non believer; the opinions and input of relatives and friends.  Sorry, but I am firm in my beliefs and that's just how it is.  I'm not going to bend to please others.  It's just not how I work.  They all have the right to follow their beliefs, so why can't I?  I'm not putting anyone down for their beliefs, I'm just saying that they have theirs, and I have mine.

If my children decide to be religious when they grow up, that's their choice.  I have no problem with it.  That's part of why I teach them what others believe, so they can make their own decision.  I'm just not going to force a belief and essentially brainwash them to believe in something, as most religious followers do.

The point of this is, if you have a belief, stick to it no matter what others have to say.  That's our right as citizens of a free country.

You may find this link helpful: http://www.salon.com/2013/06/25/7_groups_atheists_can_turn_to_in_times_of_need_partner/

Manners: A Lost Art Form

**I'm so excited to announce that I've started a youtube channel discussing everything home making. My channel name is Surviving As Mom.  Check it out!! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmrj6ilyMI5G2hnraXRWpEQ

I'm always shocked at how surprised people are to see that my children have manners.  Apparently, basic manners are not that common anymore.

I believe this lack of basic knowledge and common courtesy is because:
 1.  Parents are not parenting their children anymore.  Parents are lazy and don't teach or discipline their children the way our parents did when we were younger.
 2.  Most households require two working parents, so there is less interaction to teach the children necessary life skills including manners.  Parents try to spend more quality time with kids in the limited time than using that time to teach and discipline their children.

These are not assumptions that I've made, but rather what I've observed and experienced in my surroundings.

When I was a kid, mother was home full time and I believe that made a difference.  She taught us (all five children) basic manners, such as:
*Say "please and thank you".
*Give up your seat to someone older or weaker than you.
*Don't interrupt talking adults.
*Answer someone when they talk to you.
*Look at someone when they talk to you.
*Hold the door for people.
*Don't talk back when an adult scolds you or tells you to do something.
*Be respectful of your elders.
*Offer to help people who are older or weaker than you.
...and the list goes on.

I didn't come from a high class family, but I did learn these basic things.  As far as I knew, everyone learned this stuff.  I'll admit, I'm still working on some of these things with my own children, but at least I'm working on it.

It angers me when I see children and teenagers who don't follow these rules and I blame the parents completely.  Just like if my children were rude and impolite, I would take 100% of the blame since I am home with them 98% of the time.  The responsibility falls on my to teach them what they need to know.

I remember one day I was in the mall during the Christmas season and I saw a teenage girl (maybe 14 or 15 years old) yelling at her mother because she wanted to buy more stuff and her mother said she didn't have anymore money.  The girl was yelling and cursing in her mother's face, while the mother just stood there looking like a scared child.  Then I almost fell over when the girl slapped her mother in the face, threw all of her bags on the floor and walked away while her mother just stood there looking confused.  From that moment, I made a vow to myself that my children would NEVER behave like that!  That was just beyond unacceptable!  If I did that as a teenager, or even now, my mother would have beat my ass right there!

To me, that experience just sums up the problem with kids and teenagers today.  They have been allowed to run wild with no discipline and this is now the consequence.  Children are also not held responsible (by their parents) when they do misbehave.  (Theoretically) If I had done something wrong and ended up in jail, my mother would have left me there to teach me a lesson.  I would do the same with my own children.  Now parents bail their kids out and make excuses for their behavior.  Unacceptable!!  They are not learning consequences and accountability.

So preventable and so sad.  Parents need to start parenting again and they need to take responsibility for their children's misbehavior.  It's not that hard to teach right and wrong.  The lessons are there everyday all around us.

Something needs to change.  I'm afraid of what the future holds if this doesn't change.  People forget that these kids are going to grow up to rule the world.