At 33 years old, I've come to the conclusion that I am in a fashion slump. I've fallen victim to the SAHM uniform. You know the one... yoga pants, tank top, sports bra, flip flops. In the winter, just add a hoodie and sneakers. I don't like that it's come down to this, but I like to be comfy. Plus, I never leave the house for more than 2 hours at a time for appointments, so what's the point of getting dressed up anyway? Who am I seeing? Why waste a nice outfit for only 2-3 hours. Why put on a bra and real clothes, only to come home and change back into my "uniform"? I'm sure not gonna stay in my real clothes while at home. That would just be too uncomfortable and impractical. What if someone wipes their boogers on my nice clothes or I get splashed with something that stains? It's just easier to stay in my crappy house clothes.
I have also found that my original style has changed due to the preconceived idea of what a mom should look like. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I got sucked into the stereotype. I believed I had to look girly, sweet and mature... like a "grown up woman" (whatever that is). You know the kind. The moms in commercials who smile while cleaning up spilled juice. She's wearing mom jeans or dress khakis, and a tank top with a button down shirt or cardigan over it. Her hair is nicely done and she's wearing basic sneakers or ballet flats. Mainly, she's very boring, modest and average looking. I don't know where this image came from, but I believed I needed to look similar to her in order to be taken seriously as a mom. I'm a bit embarrassed, but I fell for it.
Before I was a mom, or even married, my style was skateboarder/rocker. I wore relaxed fit cargo pants, loose tanks or t-shirts. I also had "rock" accessories like small chains, chokers, leather bracelets, messenger bag or backpack, etc. I also had dark reddish/burgundy hair. I wasn't too heavy into the look or goth by any means, but you could definitely tell that I was kind of a badass with my own style. I had girly looks too, but they were also very rock inspired. You didn't see me and think "wow, she has issues", but you could easily tell what my style was.
This worked well as a teenager and young adult, but not as a "grown-up". Once I got married, I changed all of that. I started to change my look to appear as a "wife". I started wearing nice clothes and looking girly and pretty. When I had kids and I was home, I just wore sweat pants and t-shirts. My hair was always back in a ponytail and I never wore makeup. Then I went back to work for a year and a half and had to pull myself together. I couldn't experiment too much with fashion because as a Funeral Director, I had to wear dress suits and be super professional. That was fine. I didn't mind it, especially since I never had much of a style anyway. When I stayed home again after my 3rd baby, I fell back into the trap of sloppy sweats and t-shirts.
I tried to reinvent myself again and I went and bought a bunch of really pretty girly clothes and fancy accessories. Pretty ballet flats and nice flashy bags. The only problem was, I never felt comfortable when wearing these clothes. I don't mean physically comfy, I mean I never felt quite like myself. I felt like I was being something I'm not.
Recently, I got my nose re-pierced, dyed my hair dark red again, and I started to feel more like myself. I started wearing my black winged eyeliner again and I felt more like myself. Then I wore something that looked a bit "rock" and I felt great. It was like a light went on in my head all of a sudden and it just occurred to me that THIS was who I really was. I've been pretending, or trying to be someone else for 15 years. I need to be myself again, if only I could remember how. I've had to do some looking around to re-learn how to look the way I felt inside. Of course I had to modify it a bit because the way I used to dress just doesn't work anymore at my age. I had to learn that I could still enjoy my "rock" style, but I had to learn the "adult" version of it.
I generally don't care what people think of me and I am very confident in myself, but I had to remind myself that I can enjoy my own style and still be taken seriously as an adult, a wife and a mother. It's ok to be who I am and still have my shit together. It will be a work in progress, but at least I have a direction now for the first time in years.
...Although I still have to deal with the problem that started this blog, which is not having a reason to get dressed. Sometimes I wish I could get a part time job doing anything just to have a reason to get dressed and look like myself. Oh well. Maybe when all the kids are in school. Either way, it's nice to be me again.
Hubs and I at a Soundgarden/NIN concert last week:
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